Episode 64: That's On PERIOD! Part 3-Responsibility
What happens to you, and the decisions you make now are your responsibility. THAT'S ON PERIOD!
To be honest, it made have already been your responsibility, but you've gotten comfortable with allowing the past take over your present, and future.
Trauma has the power to actually effect the brain, and changes how it responds to things, how we communicate and more! By no means am I saying that your past hurts aren't relevant. I'm saying that after a certain period of time, those past experience can't keep driving your day to day lives. Some people are literally stuck in a place of complacency, because some one who hurt them YEARS ago, is still walking around with that power over them. It's your responsibility to take back power back.
I can't give you advice on something that I personally haven't dealt with. I had something that happened to me that literally changed me. It was like I never got rest from it. It followed me all the way to my adult years. It wasn't until I decided that I was tired of living this way that I started to take the steps to make it my responsibility to get my life back.
Responsibility isn't easy. It takes a mature person to handle a situation, regardless of it's successes ort failures. However, it's needed. Put the ball back in your court, and do what you need to do, in order to get the healing that you've needed. THAT'S ON PERIOD!
Here are some tips to help you take responsibility for your life and your purpose:
1. Stop The Blame Game
People who have wronged you, know that they did. Believe me. They live with it everyday as a reminder of the decision that decided to make. What YOU have to stop doing is allowing yourself to constantly live with their shortcomings. You are NOT responsible for their wrong choices, but you ARE responsible for how you choose to let it change who you are. Stop constantly repeating "it's their fault I'm like this." "If they haven't did this, maybe I'd be better." Instead trying saying, "It's time for me to take my life back."
2. You Are Responsible For Your Own Actions
When you know better, you do better. There was a time when you watched family or friends do something, and that became your actions. When you knew better though, you never made the change, because you chucked it up to "My mom was like that" or "This just runs in my family." My question is, will it run out with you? or continue to be a behavior that you keep because you are still using the same excuse? When bad things happen to us, we want to move on, but then we get comfortable there, and the idea of changing seems so hard, and far away. Hard? Maybe. Impossible? Absolutely NOT!
3. Forgive, But Don't Forget
I will start off by saying that this is probably the hardest thing to do. People who hurt us, especially people we trusted, can leave an anger in us that we can't even fathom forgiving them. I know for me, my anger towards this person was so bad, that I actually hated them. I don't hate anyone. But the anger that I had was that intense. I heard someone say that forgiveness isn't for the other person, but it's for you. It's so you can heal, so you can move on and have peace of mind. Now, don't get it twisted, I didn't say forgive, and that's it. Forgive, but DON'T forget. You need to remember so you can see the signs in the event it tries to happen again. You also need to remember for someone. Someone may need your experience to help them, as they encounter the same struggle.
The responsibility is yours now. What are you going to do with it?