I am so excited about this topic because this was my very first podcast episode. Working with young people, I learned that a lot of times we feel heard when we raise our voices. If my volume can get louder than yours in a conversation or argument, then I win. However, the ratio of your raised voice and your actual point is about 5:1. That means that yes, you're louder than someone, but the point that you're trying to make is barely understood.
You can definitely see this a lot in the world that we are currently living in. People are desiring to have their view heard, that they are doing anything to be heard. This makes conversation difficult, and people's ability to resolve problems hard. We are so conditioned to "win" that we actually lose when it comes to getting anything accomplished with people.
We're all been raised differently, and that has shaped the way we think and how perceive things. Believe it or not, some people have been raised to be sexist. Some people have actually grown up in a racist household, and have adapted that as who they are. People aren't born this way, it's something taught. As a society, we need to become to open to have those discussions things and learn that some of the ways we were taught aren't always right. However, if we spend our time yelling why we are these ways, instead of raising their view of it we'll never get anywhere. Now, am I saying sexism and racism are okay for people to be? NO! But let's have those conversations.
To be honest, a lot of people are coming to the reality that how they were raised, or the things they thought was okay, really isn't and is not allowing anyone to make them feel as though it is. I've seen numerous Tik Toks and Facebook posts of people having conversations with their parents, and letting them know this isn't okay, only for their parents to allow themselves to remain stuck in those. You won't change everyone, and that's okay.
So, how can you raise your view, not your voice? Here are three tips to help
Learn How To Have A Conversation
Believe it or not, if you were to take a poll of how many people say they actually know how to have a conversation, versus who can ACTUALLY have a conversation the results will be very different. The truth is we have people who listen to respond, are horrible listeners, or are heavy talkers (me). This unfortunely causes people to begin to raise their voice because they aren't getting what they need in basic conversations. We have to be able to learn how to communicate with each other, whether we agree or not. This is important because a lot of times we learn why people believe the things that they do. If you're the listen to respond person, learn to ask questions. Stop thinking of your next statement, and focus on what someone is saying. If you're the one who doesn't listen at all, learn to communicate with the person to let them know. Try saying, "Slow down." "What do you mean?" And if you're the excessive talker, learn to pass the "mic." I know it's hard for us talkers because we have so much to say, but so do others.
2. You Are NOT Always Right
I know, I know. It's hard to believe, but yes you're not always right. This explains a lot of the confusion in our world right now. Everyone thinks they are right; their views, their belief, and their rituals. The reality is, that's not true, and as soon we get an understanding of that, we're be able to effectively raise your view, and not your voice.
3. Allow Others To Share Their Perspective
Remember during Show and Tell when you got to go to the front of the class, and share whatever you brought to school? That feeling of bringing that thing that you thought was so cool up to the front of the class, and with excitement gave indept detail about it, only for some kids in the class to talk over you, and ignore you. The perspective that you had of something is being ignored and taken for nothing. Allow people to share their perspective, without being ignored or persecuted. This gives people the opportunity to raise their view and not their voice.